Happy 58th Anniversary To My Parents!!!!

IMG_0052Yikes, that’s a milestone, something to be very proud of!! Their Anniversary is 3 days after my BDay…????? Am I really 56 & are they really married for 58 years…haha Always been something I questioned, especially when I was a kid but they reassured me that for real they had been married almost 2 years before their 9lb 6oz bundle (that is more than a bundle…hmmm a small dinosaur perhaps) of joy arrived.
As all marriages they had their ups and downs & in retirement had to learn to “be” together, a learning curve for the bravest of heart. They survived & are playing together fairly…and by the singing BDay messages they left on my phone, having a good time.
Happy Happy 58th Anniversary to you both!!! Ice Cream for everyone in the house!!!

I found this on-line & it is probably true for most people’s marriages…

5 Mistakes I Continue to Make in My marriage. Demanding Gold Stars by Gretchen Rubin

1. Demanding Gold Stars

Oh, how I crave appreciation and recognition! I always want that gold star stuck to my homework. But my husband just isn’t very good at handing out gold stars, and that makes me feel angry and unappreciated. “Words of affirmation” are definitely my love language.

In response, I now think more about doing things for myself. I used to tell myself I was doing nice things for him—“He’ll be so happy to see that I put all the books away,” “He’ll be so pleased that I finally got the schedule figured out,” etc.—but then I would get mad when he wasn’t appreciative. Now, I tell myself that I’m doing these things because I want to do them. “Wow, the kitchen cabinets look great!” “I’m so organized to have bought all the supplies in advance!” Because I do things for myself, I don’t expect him to respond in any particular way.

2. Using a Snappish Tone

I have a very short fuse and become irritable extremely easily, but my husband really doesn’t like it when I snap at him. He’s funny that way. Many of my resolutions are meant to help me keep my temper in check. I don’t let myself get too hungry or too cold (I fall into these states very easily); I try to keep our apartment in reasonable order, because a mess makes me crabby; I try to control my voice to keep it light and cheery instead of accusatory and impatient. Confession: I’ve worked on this issue relentlessly for years, and I flew into a ten-second rage just last night.

3. Not Showing Enough Consideration

Studies show that married people treat each other with less civility than they show to other people. I do this with my husband, I know. I’m working hard on basic consideration, such as not reading my emails while talking to him on the phone, emailing photos of our daughters, etc. Very basic, I know.

4. Keeping Score

I’m a scorekeeper, always calculating who has done what. “I cleaned up the kitchen, so you have to run to the store” kind of thing. I’ve found two ways to try to deal with this tendency.

First, I remind myself of the phenomenon of unconscious over-claiming (i.e. we unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other people’s). This makes sense, because of course we’re far more aware of what we do than what other people do. According to Jonathan Haidt’s The Happiness Hypothesis, “when husbands and wives estimate the percentage of housework each does, their estimates total more than 120 percent.” I complain about the time I spend paying bills, but I overlook the time my husband spends dealing with our car.

Second, I remind myself of the words of my spiritual master, St. Therese of Lisieux: “When one loves, one does not calculate.”

5. Taking My Husband for Granted

Just as I find it easy to overlook the chores done by my husband (see #4), it’s easy for me to forget to appreciate his many virtues and instead focus on his flaws. For example, although I find it hard to resist using an irritable tone, my husband almost never speaks harshly, and that’s really a wonderful trait. I’m trying to stay alert to all the things I love about him and let go of my petty annoyances. This is easier said than done.

I need to read & re-read this pup…some things do hit a bit to close to home. Life, a work in progress.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open. ~George Bernard Shaw

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Darlene
    Jul 16, 2013 @ 07:46:53

    Wow!! Happy Anniversary!

    Reply

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