Grieving Stradegies…Trust Me

Mike,_Allan_&_MeAbove picture…Happy times, can you see a Mother’s love…hell yeah!
I grieved my son’s loss for months, ok years, I scoured the internet, book stores looking for ways of coping after Mike passed away. I wondered why the world didn’t stop, cuz it did for me. Here are a few keynote strategic ways I developed to cope….argh who would have thought I could actually write these down! Hopefully this will help someone out there, if not this is for people who have been through it with me….my secret ways of dealing with the loss of my son.

•I had to allow myself to grieve in my own way. Everyone will grief differently, depending on their personalities and coping styles. Respect the differences. I needed time to myself…to reminice, to walk (everyday I picked up a stone on my walk to the river…when I got home I put it in a big bowl in my garden), to have a warm bubbly bath (I was clean for sure, a lot of bathing was done in that 1st 6 months).

•Ignore the need to be “strong.” Tears are a gift.

•Don’t be afraid to laugh. Remember the good times and share them with one another. I craved for someone to help me laugh, force me to laugh. I heard through a friend that I wasn’t invited to a party because I wasn’t fun anymore…know that people who haven’t been through loosing a child don’t know better when they say hurtful things. Help the griever to engage in some sort of laughter…they will not know they need it but it will lighten even a few minutes of their hell.
Also please don’t look at griever with sad, pitiful eyes…made me uncomfortable.

•I read the Serenity Prayer…I had it everywhere

serenity_prayer1

•Honor and remember the life, legacy and dreams of person who has passed. Allan & I send off balloons on Mike’s BDay, Anniversary of passing & Christmas…one huge red heart balloon & 2 of yellow & 2 green (John Deere colors…duh) balloons…one for each of his cats & one for me & one for Allan. It is our way of honoring someone we miss soooooo much.

Eight years have passed and I now I deal with Mike’s passing in a totally different way. Once I got control over my emotions, found that exercise helped my mental state, I can now appreciate that he is with me always, that I am being selfish wanting him here…where he is
there are no wheelchairs or rainy days. I push through the sad days because he would kick my ass if I moped around.

If you are grieving at this moment over a loss I will tell you this…a year from now you will feel different…a year after a year from now you will feel different again. That feeling that you don’t want to live will pass and if you continue working on and pushing yourself, life will come back to you, although in a different way.
If you are personally involved with someone who is grieving, don’t be scared of them, don’t abandon them…they need you. Know that the griever knows you don’t have the answers, take them for a walk, reminisce, have a laugh. You matter to them, they can’t cope or respond like they used to.
xo

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. suburbanprincessteacher
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 08:12:11

    What a wonderful tribute to your son and to healing and to you.

    Reply

  2. Darlene
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 08:26:37

    xoxo

    Reply

  3. Margaret Phillips
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 09:42:42

    Sharing your grief journey will help others who grieve and those who care for the grieving..thanks for sharing Cindy OXO

    Reply

  4. Mom
    Aug 15, 2013 @ 10:16:18

    With all the grief you’ve been through & overcome, you are so wise in how you’ve grown through it all and still growing! Dad said you should be a University Proff. !!
    Very, very wise and proud of you!! Mom xoxo

    Reply

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